Thursday 26 January 2012

Story between me and Him

I remember last Friday, when I just got up from sleep, still lying on my bed, I received a call from Daniel. He asked me to go and pray for one of his friend (Kathleen’s) father, who was in a very sick situation, some sort of failure of lungs’ function. And after Daniel asked permission from Kathleen’s mother, he told me I can go to hospital at anytime.

My sister and I reached hospital at around 2pm and met with Kathleen’s family outside the ICU. We were told that we were not allowed to go into the ICU ward because it was the nurses’ shift changing time, plus uncle was going to be transferred to normal ward.

We had no choice but just waited at the waiting area. And God put a thought in my mind, asked me to pray for a pair of new lungs for uncle. Right after that, I led my sister to join faith with me and we prayed for uncle outside. And the Lord put this verse in my sister’s and my heart: Then His fame went throughout all Syria; and they brought to Him all sick people who were afflicted with various diseases and torments, and those who were demon-possessed, epileptics, and paralytics; and He healed them. Great multitudes followed Him—from Galilee, and from Decapolis, Jerusalem, Judea, and beyond the Jordan. (Matthew 4:24-25)

Both of us got the same verse and we got another confirmation from Alex, he sent me through sms, saying the Lord put this in his heart: Multitude follows you when miracle takes place.

The bad part is, we didn’t get to see uncle and had to leave for some reason. We actually waited for almost 2 hours but still didn’t allow to visit uncle. So we left the hospital around 4pm, and made known to Kathleen’s mother that we were to go again the next day.

That night, I texted aunty to confirm uncle’s ward number for the sake of next day’s visitation. After around 15 minutes, I received sms from aunty, saying uncle went home and is forever be with the Lord already. I was like, HUH??!! I DON’T EVEN START TO DO MY PART YET!!!

Actually when I was still in hospital, I had an urge that must be that day! I must see uncle in person and pray for him! I even thought of how to start praying and what to pray and the Lord actually put a lot of words in my mind to let me speak to uncle! But I just didn’t obey the urge and just left the hospital.

Was very upset for I think I didn’t really done my part and uncle just left like that. Kept thinking that if I obey Holy Spirit’s instruction and stay and pray for uncle, there must be a miracle! MUST! My tears couldn’t stop from dropping since I received aunty’s message. Bong Yang phoned me to ask about uncle’s condition, I sambil cry and sambil condemning myself. He tried to comfort me and told me that’s another lesson to learn. I tried to calm myself and not long afterwards, I received call from Daniel. I was very very angry with the devil and after talked with Daniel, I decided to go and pray for resurrection the next day.

I told Daniel I’m going to pray quietly, not make known to uncle’s family. Well, I admit I’m not bold enough to do so. So the next morning, around 11am, I went to uncle’s house, to pray for resurrection with my little faith. Aunty and Kathleen were not around, and there’s no one else I know. Good thing the living hall didn’t have anyone else, after got the permission, I walked near and face-to-face with uncle. Uncle was sleeping with a very peaceful look, very peaceful. Without any doubt, I closed my eyes and started praying. Really wished to see uncle opens his eyes when I open mine, I tried few times, but it didn’t happen. ):

But I saw a vision: uncle was standing beside Jesus, smiling and waving at me. I was curious, but he said it’s ook that he didn’t get back to live. He told me he is good to be with the Lord and thanked me for going to his house. He said that’s an action of sowing seed, where not all his family members are Christian. He said I chose to go and pray for him, already showing the faithfulness of God to his family members, where he appreciates very much.

And I stopped praying.

Was actually thinking whether to share this or not at the first place, and I decided to share it out. As a lesson, I learnt to obey instruction from God, and no same mistake to be taken place anymore. Another thing is, this actually increases my faith to keep doing Kingdom works. The more the devil wants to destroy, the more I want to repair, for God.

I repent and I rejoice.

Friday 20 January 2012

去·留


在家的這幾天,媽媽總是不斷重複問我同一個問題。她問我是要留在那城市安定下來嗎?是不是完全不考慮留在小島上了?而我都只是沉默帶過。心中當然清楚知道一定會回去那城市的,畢竟有更重要的任務在身,畢竟懂得最最需要的是什麼。只是,對著媽媽失落的表情,始終沒辦法狠下心告訴她我的堅決。或許,我需要的是更多的勇敢。

我了解媽媽希望我留下的心情,畢竟二月之後,弟弟也要離開家去念他嚮往很久的飛行學院了。那個時候,家裡只會剩下小妹,我知道媽媽只是想要人陪,我知道媽媽只是會不習慣家裡突然又少了人。近兩年前一次就少了兩個人,兩年後的這個時候又多一個離開了。想當然爾,原本熱鬧的房子突然間變得空蕩蕩的,怎麼樣都會有些失落。 其實我也捨不得媽媽,很不捨啊;但我一樣想展翅,也很想高飛呀。

你說,該怎麼抉擇?

小時候就有幻想過離鄉背井去唸書去工作的情形,只是沒有想到,小時候的幻想那麼快就變成了事實,有些難以招架。以前很敢想像,甚至想像過搬到國外去公幹,長居。但是天真的我不曾把父母的心情都概括進想像的框框裡,於是對於父母眼裡的失落,我實在沒轍。當然,我不是那種凡事都得依賴媽媽的 mummy girl,也不是那種會要一直黏在媽媽身邊的嬌嬌女,我很獨立,我是真的很獨立。我只是敵不過要父母失落,敵不過要讓父母日日夜夜如此思念自己。

說實在,我不敢想像在外打拼的日子會把父母的歲月奪去多少;我不敢想像下次回家看到父母臉上多了的皺紋還有頭上多了的白髮。我害怕下次回家會看到他們身上多了滄桑,而我會自責自己沒有陪在他們身邊,我會自責自己沒有陪他們度過他們最需要人陪的時刻。雖然知道自己會後悔,但卻依然固執地選擇離開,你說,這不是明知故犯嗎?

或許你會說,現今社會,幾乎人人都是這樣。但,我就要隨波逐流嗎?我知道我矛盾了,因為我的決定就是要隨波逐流。我只是想想辦法來說服我自己,好讓我能夠離開得心安理得些。我知道我要留在那城市的原因,清楚地知道。而我害怕的是,最終我會把父母排除到我的未來之外,那是我最最最不願看到,也是最害怕看到的。

主啊,我把一切都交託於袮的手中。請照明我眼前的路,指點我該怎麼走。
主啊,我把所有家人都交託到袮的手中。請打開他們聖靈之眼,讓他們看清袮,並接受袮。
主啊,袮知道我最怕的是什麼,請袮將我的不安去除,賜我平安和喜樂。
主啊,當我犯錯的時候,請袮務必要引領我返回正途,務必。

奉主耶穌之名,阿門。

Monday 16 January 2012

回家


懊惱地看著快被裝滿的行李袋
在這城市的最後一個夜晚
除了買了不久的新年衣
想帶回家的還有滿滿的想念和不捨
無奈我沒有小叮噹的八寶袋
回憶怎麼塞也塞不下
於是只好割捨

我會想念這城市裡帶不走的你 你 還有你
只是不曉得你會不會一樣想念我
會不會想被我裝進行李袋裡
跟我一起回家?

Wednesday 4 January 2012

嗨,2012。(:


2011年12月31日,十一點五十九分,或許還有人還在猶豫著要用哪一隻腳先跨進2012裡。
我卻跟主內的一大半弟兄姐妹們在 Alpha 泳池旁,大聲讚美主,一起禱告新的一年美好地到來。
直到十二點整,這城市的夜空都被燦爛煙火劃滿了,禱告聲吉他聲合著煙火劈裡啪啦的巨響,2012到了。
所以我的雙腳已經跨向了充滿許多未知數的 2012。

對於這一年,總是充滿著熱血與憧憬。
兩年前因為電影【2012】語言說這一年將是世界末日,於是鬧得人心惶惶。
但是現在的我一點都不怕,世界末日,正是耶穌再臨之日,我會做好準備,迎接祂的第二次光臨。

回顧去年吧,沒有不堪回首,於是我敢敢地回頭,還要如數家珍般出列發生過的事情。
第一件事就是想看看去年一月一日我為自己設下的清單,看看有沒有都完成啊。*緊張中

清单:
- 成绩是一定要在列表里面的。第一年结束的时候,我觉得不允许自己 c/f 任何一个科目去下一年!這個!成功!
- 我想要学钢琴和吉他啦!原本一鼓作气真的就要去报名学的了,怎料到乐器必须自备,啊咧!我去哪儿找乐器啦一时间。所以,有谁人愿意教教我吗? 學習吉他中!完成!
- 瘦下五公斤!厚!我要瘦瘦瘦瘦瘦啦!!五公斤是沒有啦,不過倒是有瘦去,所以也算完成吧!
- 学好英文,我最近真的发现我的英文还真的不是普通的烂啊,虽然上次去面试的时候老板还称赞我说我的英文有 slang ==''' 這個有待加強。
- 去外国旅行。我连飞机都还没有摸过啊,可怜的我。T^T 結果我去了新加坡!歐耶!完成!
- 学日文学日文!今年一定要报名学日文! Elementary Level 畢業了啦我!完成!
- 找个人来好好爱一爱,谈一场恋爱。 我找到很愛我的耶穌啦,也接受祂進入我的生命裡了!完成!

哇哈哈哈!也就是說,我去年立下的清單裡,全部都有做到啦!好開心好開心呀!*竊喜中


======================================================================

還記得 2011年1月1日那一天,收到黃洋的簡訊,說這將會是起伏很大的一年,還真的被他說中了。
發生很多事情,很多招架不住的事情。但感謝主,因為有祂,所以我都熬過來了。
或許我經驗的不是什麼大事,只是單憑我個人的力量,絕對都沒有辦法撐過來,於是感謝主,感謝祂一直都在背後為我撐著。
所以我才不會那麼吃力。

我 2011 年裡最大的改變,就是選擇接受主吧。
2011,回家的次數減少了,想家的次數增加了。
2011,宅在宿舍的次數減少了,往教會裡跑的次數增加了。
2011,憂鬱的次數減少了,大笑的次數增加了。
2011,從 Alpha A棟1樓搬到 B棟14樓。
2011,認識了好多好多很熱情很好人的主內弟兄姐妹。
2011,開始侍奉。
2011,依然經歷著痛心的生離死別。
2011,學會成長。

竟然詞窮了,我。

真好,2012到了。